No doubt purchased by the same sort of people who purchased the USB cable that records audio from your room, this little box is a USB charger that includes a 1080p video camera and recorder. Then again, if Google, Apple and Amazon have a live audio and video feed of your house at all times, you might as well have one too.

For a bit shy of two hundred bucks, you can have your dog genetically analyzed, and find, for example (as they show on the box) that your dog is 50.0% Staffordshire Terrier, 23.7% Golden Retriever, 14.5% Australian Cattle Dog, and 11.8% Great Pyrenees. What you would gain from learning the exact racial breakdown of your dog is hard to know, but as a reviewer said, “when people at the dog park ask what kind of dog she is I just whip out my phone and show them her family tree.” We all do things for different reasons, I guess.

Combine the traditional pastimes of celebrating instruments of war and drinking a cold beverage, and you’ve got yourself an ice mold that makes ice grenades. If you need 24 smaller grenades at a time, there’s also these ice-grenade trays.

It’s hard to argue with that. Real men also love cats & hockey, together. And biblical exegesis. And REAL MEN LOVES PIGEON.

I’ve covered umbrella hats before, but this one allows you to stick your head inside a crinkly bag, and pull the umbrella portion down around your shoulders, for some reason. It’s only very slightly more subtle than the classic rainbow umbrella hat.

The Shield Antenna is a self-adhesive sticker for the back of your phone that claims to simultaneously boost your signal and reduce the amount of radiation your phone emits, which are opposites. (Even imagining that a sticker would block a cell-phone signal, it’s on the back of the phone, which is not the side you point at your head when you look at it or talk on it.)

Control your dog’s bone with your phone.

Customers say: Won’t charge. Won’t connect. Dog won’t play with it. Dog destroyed it.