The LitterMaid, a self-cleaning litter box, would be a great idea. Except that it doesn’t work at all. It has over 300 negative reviews, stating that the motor’s too weak, the replaceable parts are too expensive, and the tines on the shit-rake break off easily when they try to clean your cat’s turds.

If you’re looking for a solution to having a sandy box of cat turds in your house, you might skip the LitterMate and the PetZoom (a plastic patch of astroturf) and just teach your cat to crap in the regular toilet.

Nope.

Sorry, nope.

That’s not it. Maybe you should just give up.

There ya go.

If you didn’t get enough zit-popping from last week’s Pop It Pal, here’s a multipack of zits, this time marketed to children.

This Toblerone bar weighs 9.9 pounds, or, for our metric friends, 4.5 kilos. It’s not that the chocolate is bad, and the manufacturer does their best to convince you to share it, but we all know the fate of these 4,500 grams of chocolate. They’re all going inside a single person. You, if you buy it.

Can you control your insatiable urge for sugar, salt, and fat? Is it your fault that you ate the whole thing? Technically, yes, but realistically, this behavioral pathway is encoded in your genes. Find sugar, eat sugar. It kept the prokaryotes alive, and if you’re reading this, it’s worked well enough that you’re still here too. At least it’s not the five-pound Hershey bar, whose makers process the chocolate in such a way that leaves it smelling faintly of vomit due to its butyric acid content. (It’s not noticeable if you grew up eating it, but if you’ve ever heard someone referring to Hershey as “pukey,” that’s why.)

You have to feel a little bad for Atari, because they just can’t get the traction that Nintendo got with the NES Classic and SNES Classic. This is because Atari games were never very fun, and Nintendo games were. But feel free to get The Atari Flashback, if you don’t believe me, or the customer reviews that say it’s somehow worse than the original.

Although the title would have you believe this is a well-organized and well-written book, a trip through the “Look Inside” link on the book’s listing will tell you otherwise. I’m not sure what’s going on here at all. (If you are, maybe you can @ me on Twitter at @TWTFSale to let me know?)

The HipShotDot is a suction-cup-attached LED that affixes to the center of your TV so you can cheat at video games, shooting other players with higher accuracy than you’d be able to naturally. The only upside is that it only works on first-person-shooter games, a genre I personally never touch, since the children screaming slurs over the headset at me can usually shoot me a dozen times before I find the trigger button on the controller.