Hovershoes are single-wheeled platforms you strap to your feet, which are powered by an electric motor similar to the “hoverboards” that were briefly popular a couple of years ago. The manufacturer insists that they’re “for people 16 – 50 year old,” though you can look at the absurdly photoshopped gallery of people using Hovershoes and see what you think.

This item, listed as 275 gallons of personal lubricant, seems like a joke, mainly because of the price (nice.)

Maybe it’s not a joke, but there’s no way any of us could buy it and find out. Maybe it’s a way to trick blogs like this into marketing their product. I don’t know! I don’t care. People want to read this, say “haha, lube” and scroll on down to pants that make it look like you shit yourself and are wearing the shitty pants.

The Opal Nugget ice-maker, at a hair under four hundred dollars, is described by the manufacturer as “affordable.”

It’s good to know that in this age of energy-consciousness and growing awareness of climate change and air pollution, you can still purchase a $300+ gas-powered blender. There’s even a knock-off called The Daquiri Whacker, which, improbably, seems an order of magnitude less safe than the Tailgator.

Make your cheap, naturally-invigorating drink a source of hostility! Try bringing this “middle finger mug” to work so you can flip yourself the bird while you’re trying to swallow enough caffeine to drag yourself through your soul-crushing daily routine. If you can’t stop the entire rest of the world from giving you the finger on a near-constant basis, I guess you can join them by flicking yourself off, to prove you’re one of them. Hey, look, I agree with you! I hate me too!

Is your bad driving preventing you from driving in a carefree fashion? Keep running your car into cars and people because you’re unable to master one of the basic skills of modern life? Then you might want Parking Armor, a padded bumper you strap to the center of your bumper.

“Sneaky Shorts” are a way to smuggle 24 ounces of booze into work, or a baseball game, or wherever you want to secretly carry booze in a thin liquid bag strapped to your upper thighs. If Sneaky Shorts are the solution to the problem you think you have, you may find out, ultimately, that you actually have a different problem.