25 September, 2018
The Mattel “Ucreate” is an over-$100 box that lets kids combine pre-recorded samples to “express themselves through creating their own songs.” Apart from the fact that kids have been learning to play regular musical instruments for thousands of years (which actually allow them to learn technique and music theory), the manufacturer has dropped their online support for the product, so it can no longer connect to a computer.
One of the comments, a five-star review which is definitely not fake, reads “Everyone knows that music is all the rage with kids!” Ah, yes, those kids with the bippy-bop and the puddin pops. They jimmy-jam but it’s not even music, it sounds like a burglar banging trash cans together. The kids love it though.