Monthly Archives: September 2018

Elf Bowling, The Real Movie

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“Elf Bowling: The Movie” costs $3.79, but even at this price, it has mostly bad reviews. It’s based off the 1998 video game “Elf Bowling,” for some reason.

It’s free to watch on Amazon Prime Instant Video, in case you have an Amazon Prime membership & want to murder 82 minutes of your life. I do not suggest this, because I watched it, and the only good part was the teaser at the end for “Elf Bowling 2: The Great Pumpkin Heist,” which, thankfully, was never actually made.



Rod & Reel Destroyer

dick-and-ball-crusher

For less than $40, you can crush your spout AND your spigot in the “Master Series P&T Crusher.” It’s made of clear plastic so you can see your organs silently, painfully agonize as you abuse them.



The Hot Dog Hat

zooey-hot-dog-hat

Finally, you can wear a great lunch food on your head with Hot Dog Hat, the $6.95 accessory of your dreams. If that’s not quite doing it for you, try Hamburger Hat or Pizza Hat, by the same manufacturer.






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.