The Fleshlight Launch

The Fleshlight Launch bills itself as the “Complete Automated Virtual Masturbator System,” and allows you to sync the motion of your Fleshlight to your computer via Bluetooth. The reviews are dismal, mentioning that the product comes apart during use, the Bluetooth disconnects, and the controls don’t work. You’ve already lost dignity by setting your computer up to pull your pud; having to click through menus and put your equipment back together while nude and lubed makes the situation exponentially worse.

(I’ve pixellated part of the product, but you probably know what a Fleshlight looks like by now. If you don’t, the uncensored pic is on the listing.)