The sex product “Belladonna’s Foot Soldiers” are silicone-rubber feet that you frot with. It seems to be the perfect thing for someone who wants to crank themselves off with a pair of dead, amputated feet… except for the multiple customers who mentioned in their reviews that they added glue-on toenails to make them more realistic.

I’ve tried chile beer before, which is never exactly “good”, but interesting. You get the base flavor of beer, plus a little bit of heat from the pepper extract. But Ramune Chili Oil Soda is wretched, marrying the bitter flavor of peppers and the sickly-sweet corn syrup with red food dye and zero chili heat to distract you from the nastiness. It’s six ounces, but I couldn’t get past the neck of the bottle before chucking it.

For those brave enough to finish the Chili Oil Soda, the next level is Ramune Takoyaki Soda – which claims to emulate the flavor of fried dough balls. I wanted to tell you what this tasted like, but I couldn’t get past sniffing the open bottle. Maybe you’re braver than I am, or your taste buds don’t work, or you need to win five bucks by drinking something bad, in which case this would be right up your alley.

It’s impossible for me to say anything about this book that it doesn’t say itself. You can hit the “Look Inside” button on the listing, if you want to read more of this, whatever it is.

Ass Goblins of Auschwitz is by the author of Abortion Arcade.

The Laundry Pod washes a small amount of your clothes manually. You use a bucket to fill it with water, crank the handle around, drain the soapy water (while you crank), fill it with more water from a bucket, then crank it again to rinse and drain your clothing. Which means it’s a plastic bucket that costs $89, and reviewers say it falls apart. Besides, if you were going to perform manual labor to wash your clothes, wouldn’t you just do it in the sink? For free?

The Australian author Jasmuheen wrote this book in 1998, and continues to tour the world to advance her theory of “breatharianism,” the idea that you can use spiritual energy to replace food. Four people have died as a result of following her instructions. Despite this, her career has continued and she published her latest breatharian book last year. She even put out an album, a bizarre mélange of sitar, trip-hop drums and new-age-themed nursery rhymes read by Mother Huffer herself.

While the first law of thermodynamics states that energy can be neither created nor destroyed, it remains silent on the topic of believing a weird old lady if she tells you that you don’t need to eat food.

The “luxury version” of Monopoly allows you to spend over two hundred bucks in real money on a game that will drive you and your family apart. The same company makes two-hundred-buck versions of Clue and Scrabble, in case your family’s still on your side after Monopoly and you want to drive them into a blinding rage by playing ZYMURGY on a triple-word.

At least it’s not Monopoly For Millennials.

The manufacturer describes Cat’s Meow as “a cat toy your cat can’t resist.” Here is a list of other things cats can’t resist playing with:

1. String.

2. Lint.

3. Bugs.

4. Anything that’s on the floor.

5. Anything that’s not on the floor.