Monthly Archives: April 2019

Vegan vegan vegan

vegansmythe

Vegan Smythe is a vegan singer/songwriter. It’s common for musicians, artists, and literati to renounce eating meat for social, environmental, or health reasons. But Vegan Smythe only has one thing on his mind, and it’s the word “vegan.”

The lyrics to his song “Groovy Vegan Song” go “Vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan.” Nine times in a row. Listen to it, unless you don’t like bad things, in which case you’re not really in the right place to begin with.



Epilators

epilator

An epilator is an electric device which rips the hair out of your leg. That’s not an exaggeration. It grabs the hair, with a spring, or a drum full of rotating tweezers, and rips the entire hair out of your leg.

Any epilator is unnecessarily painful and gruesome compared to shaving or waxing your legs, but I picked the one above because it’s the same model that epilated a patch on my leg. I don’t test every product I write about here, but I tested this epilator enough to say that it hurts exactly as much as you’d think to have hundreds of your leg hairs ripped out one after the other.

It was bad enough to do this on my shin, so I was horrified to read that several customers reportedly run this hell-plucker over their armpit, and one used it to rip out her pubes. I can’t imagine.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.