Vegan Smythe is a vegan singer/songwriter. It’s common for musicians, artists, and literati to renounce eating meat for social, environmental, or health reasons. But Vegan Smythe only has one thing on his mind, and it’s the word “vegan.”

The lyrics to his song “Groovy Vegan Song” go “Vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan vegan.” Nine times in a row. Listen to it, unless you don’t like bad things, in which case you’re not really in the right place to begin with.

The “Neck Genie” has mixed reviews (read the 21 one-star reviews for a portrait of its failures) but my favorite part, out of everything, is the picture of it above. That before and after has nothing to do with the springy thing, guys! You can achieve the same effect by moving your head forward and backward. Here, check this out.

The manufacturer of this CD from 1994 claims that listening to it can help your ADD, dyslexia, or other learning disorders. Unless it’s made of Adderall, I doubt that’s true.

If it’s made of Adderall, please tell me, by the way… no reason.

These macadamia nuts are flavored like Spam. Both macadamia nuts and Spam are local delicacies in Hawaii. The customer reviews are all great, though. Maybe it’s me who’s missing out on this horrifying delicacy.

If you loved the Beer Buckle, you’ll love The Wine Lanyard. Strap your wine around your neck like a real ‘Merican! The black nylon will match your fanny pack.

An epilator is an electric device which rips the hair out of your leg. That’s not an exaggeration. It grabs the hair, with a spring, or a drum full of rotating tweezers, and rips the entire hair out of your leg.

Any epilator is unnecessarily painful and gruesome compared to shaving or waxing your legs, but I picked the one above because it’s the same model that epilated a patch on my leg. I don’t test every product I write about here, but I tested this epilator enough to say that it hurts exactly as much as you’d think to have hundreds of your leg hairs ripped out one after the other.

It was bad enough to do this on my shin, so I was horrified to read that several customers reportedly run this hell-plucker over their armpit, and one used it to rip out her pubes. I can’t imagine.

The Handy Gourmet FatMagnet claims to “magically” remove the fat from any liquid food if you use it to skim the surface of your soup or stew. As you might expect from a $8 gadget that claims to do something magic, it doesn’t work.