Everyone likes the edge brownies. The caramelized crispness of the edges are a nice contrast to the soft, fudgy interior of the brownie. “But what,” your brain asks itself, in a quest for more serotonin, “what if every brownie was an edge brownie?”

Sure, you could buy this special pan for $35.99. Or you could just pour your brownie batter into muffin tins, which you already have, giving you more brownie-edge per unit of batter. (Muffin tins have a perimeter-to-area ratio of 1.6. This pan has a perimeter-to-area ratio of 0.55.)

Did I just change your brownie-baking life? Yes? Good, then we’re both ashamed, me for the brownie math, you for eating so many fucking brownies.

They laughed at me for wearing cargo pants, until they needed somewhere to put their lobsterphone. Now who’s laughing. Checkmate.

(I was unable to find this for sale anywhere, BTW, but you can’t say I didn’t try.)

Do you know why I pulled you over? Because I’m a dog and you made me wear a police costume.

This is a hollowed-out nickel which holds a microSD card. It’s a really covert and easy way to accidentally put 128GB of sensitive data into a parking meter.

There’s nothing wrong with masturbation. But this book tells you to jack off while you read it, to specific situations like a teacher being proud of you, or doing well at work. And you can’t just crank it a little and turn the page. You have to finish the job. To every single page of the book. Read the “Click To Look Inside!” to see what I’m talking about.

(By the way, this is not the first product I’ve written about where I’m 99% sure the creator thought of the title first.)

As a parent, I’m always looking for ways to send my child rolling down a steep hill, into a lake, onto a busy road, or even over a cliff. That’s why I like the Little Tikes Bumper Wheel.