The Teddy Tank is a toy marketed to children which has a plastic fish-tank in the belly of a teddy bear. The manufacturer claims it’s “two toys in one,” but of course, you can’t do anything with the bear, since it’s full of water, and a fish is not a toy. This bad idea will invariably end with the death of a fish, some dirty fish-water on your carpet, and a crying child.

This is a “urethral faucet” which you insert into your penis and then spray urine out of. I can’t show you the “in use” photo on the manufacturer’s listing here, but it works like how you’d imagine.

The Tinkle Tube is a plastic tube which you give to a boy to “help” them urinate. Seems like a good way to make sure your kid can never piss without a plastic tube. Make sure you read the manufacturer’s instructions for use to grasp the full horror of this penis prop.

Mug Muscles is a $17 plastic mug combined with a hand-gripper tool. If you want to drink your beer out of a plastic mug while you squeeze a spring with a few pounds of tension on it, then this is the piece of crap for you.

Of course, if you want to actually build your grip strength, you could get a “Captains Of Crush” hand gripper, which comes in different sizes from 60 lbs to 365 lbs of tension.

Wondering how to take six bottles of beer from one place to another? I present to you “Wooden Six Pack Beer Tote”, an expensive yet necessary accessory for the person who drinks bottles of beer.

You know what would be handy? If beer came in some sort of multi-beer holder, made out of cardboard, when you bought it from the store. Oh well.

The worst part of Yummy Cum is not the name, surprisingly, but the fact that the manufacturer warns, “Check with your doctor first.” Okay, let me go take this sex bottle to my doctor and ask him if it’s okay to take an unregulated combination of plant extracts to blast flavor out of my balls. I’m sure that will be worth spending two hours in his office, plus the co-pay for the office visit.

The slogan of The Selfie Brush is “Look good on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter.” It’s a plastic brush that holds an iPhone in the back, next to the mirror. Which you don’t need, because you can see yourself on the iPhone screen, which is larger than the mirror. There’s no hole for the rear-facing camera, either. But check out this picture of users making selfie faces into it! They love it!