Monthly Archives: August 2019

The Teddy Tank

 

teddy-tank

The Teddy Tank is a toy marketed to children which has a plastic fish-tank in the belly of a teddy bear. The manufacturer claims it’s “two toys in one,” but of course, you can’t do anything with the bear, since it’s full of water, and a fish is not a toy. This bad idea will invariably end with the death of a fish, some dirty fish-water on your carpet, and a crying child.



How To Carry 6 Beers

wooden-six-pack-beer-tote

Wondering how to take six bottles of beer from one place to another? I present to you “Wooden Six Pack Beer Tote”, an expensive yet necessary accessory for the person who drinks bottles of beer.

You know what would be handy? If beer came in some sort of multi-beer holder, made out of cardboard, when you bought it from the store. Oh well.

Rope Flavor Pills

yummy-cum

The worst part of Yummy Cum is not the name, surprisingly, but the fact that the manufacturer warns, “Check with your doctor first.” Okay, let me go take this sex bottle to my doctor and ask him if it’s okay to take an unregulated combination of plant extracts to blast flavor out of my balls. I’m sure that will be worth spending two hours in his office, plus the co-pay for the office visit.



Selfie Brush

the-selfie-brush

The slogan of The Selfie Brush is “Look good on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter.” It’s a plastic brush that holds an iPhone in the back, next to the mirror. Which you don’t need, because you can see yourself on the iPhone screen, which is larger than the mirror. There’s no hole for the rear-facing camera, either. But check out this picture of users making selfie faces into it! They love it!






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.