After ten years of not being able to make new year’s glasses with the zeros in the middle of 2000-2009, we finally got to 2020, a number which, again, contains two zeroes. The obvious move here is to align the eyeholes to not go through both of them.

I guess it could be worse.

These cookies are either good or bad. I don’t know. But I want to draw your attention to the customer reviews, where one woman explains the tastes of different cultures by saying that “I’m sure that someone from another country finds tater tot casserole repulsive.”

This is a “sexy” wall sticker of a nun sucking a unicorn’s horn. It’s labeled for interior OR exterior use, in case the outside of your house is where you’d want to put it.

(The uncensored version is on the manufacturer’s listing.)

You might think “umbrella hat” would be a single item, sold by a lone vendor, attempting to cash in on a bad idea. You’d be very, very wrong. In addition to Umbrella Hat, there’s Large Umbrella Hat, Fishing Headwear Umbrella, Elastic Camouflage Umbrella Hat Cap, and, of course, 4 Pack Umbrella Hat.

What is it with hot sauce and the ass (the butt part of the body)? Why are they obsessed with it? I’m pretty sure that it’s just that Ass Kickin’ Hot Sauce (above) used the word Ass, and it sold well, and all the other hot sauce makers around the world figured it was due to use of the word ass. They might be right, actually, but that doesn’t mean there’s any excuse for food condiments to be named any one of these:

• Ass Reaper
• Ja-Makin’ My Ass Burn
• Ass In Space
• Ass In Hell
• Hog’s Ass
• Weapons of Ass Destruction
• Neal’s Hairy Ass
• Smack My Ass & Call Me Sally
• Ass In Antarctica

Those are all links leading to the products. They’re real hot sauce you can buy. You know, if you want to put Neal’s Hairy Ass on your hot dog.

Achieving union with a horse sounds disgusting, and potentially fatal. But Yoga For Equestrians shows us that, actually, you can just do yoga while you’re sitting on a horse, and then it’s, like, a crystal… energy… chakra… horse thing.

Too hippy-dippy and not enough pseudo-scientific mom-based body-movement? Check out Pilates For The Dressage Rider, which is exactly what it sounds like.

And if you’re worried about the horse, don’t be. Horses do plenty of yoga. Check out the Horse Yoga 2016 Calendar for 18 long months of horses stretching their shit.

This is a “Diet Mountain Dew Dale Jr Call,” which, apparently, you blow into, and it attracts a Dale Jr.

The price will be no problem, assuming you have one of these million-dollar bills with Dale Jr.’s face on them. You’ll even have enough money left over to buy a Dale Jr. spatula.