How are I going to use the 12.5-inch Fantasy Master FM-400S Display Knife?! Dumb question, my friend. The question you should really be asking is, “do I want to find out how the 12.5-inch Fantasy Master FM-400S Display Knife is used for self-defense when its owner is threatened???”

Unfortunately, you can’t stream this DVD online, but do yourself a favor and check out the screencaps of the grey-haired protagonist caning the shit out of the bald guy.

It’s also important to note that “frequently bought with” this DVD is this item.

Well, shit, I guess I want to touch Clean Remote, and also I’m starting to think that I want to keep my jacking-off MRSA piss-and-shit pigs from touching my regular remote.

This album is 21 years old, but you’ve got to hand it to Trick Daddy for titling his sophomore album “www.thug.com,” and titling the first track “Log In.”  (Please go and listen to “Log In,” if you have six seconds to spare. That’s how long it is.)

You know what would be relaxing? If my entire queen-sized bed rocked back and forth, like I was trying to sleep on the deck of a ship in a storm.

Outside in a field. Like the picture. Because that’s where I sleep.

What an amazing advancement! It’s not like all the tape measures before this had little black lines every fraction of an inch, so that you could measure how long the thing was you were measuring. It’s definitely worth the huge premium you pay for having a digital readout on the top.

I know what you’re thinking, but, no, the Puff-N-Fluff Dog Dryer doesn’t get your dog high.

You’ll have to do that yourself, in order to get him into the plastic bag and keep him still while hot air circulates all around his body.