“Great for bosses,” lies the box of the Pee-On Urinal Picture Kit. Sure, you can print out and piss on a picture of a sports team, a corporation, a political figure… no problem. But probably not your boss.

But it doesn’t matter to most of us either way, until they make one that works with the portable children’s urinal that you use by pissing into an alligator’s mouth.

The Hang N Out Trash Bag Holder is exactly what it sounds like: it holds a trash bag. It bolts onto your truck’s tire, in an apparent attempt to create the least practical way to hold a trash bag in a world full of cans, baskets, and buckets. The only thing it has going for it is that it’s not this $1,300 trash can.

Forever leaning up against the window, pleading for someone to help her… forever stuck in her unmoving, dead body. (The manufacturer has more pictures on the listing, but this one was the least gross.) But the “please help me” mannequin isn’t the worst. Not by a long shot. I’m going to say the doe-eyed little-girl mannequin with the body of an adult woman is the grossest one you can buy in America today. “The skin feeling of doll is close to a gril,” they brag.

For the mannequin-fucker on a budget, there is the hard-nippled Realistic Sexy Female Fiberglass, which includes “Free wig (we will choose the wig for you.)”

“Put fake poop on toilet seat, then spray the fart spray!” brags the manufacturer of the Fart And Poop Combo Deal.

Do not be afraid. I am just doll.

I am doll. I love you. 

When you’re shopping for dead squirrels, it’s tempting to go for the classic Old West cowboy squirrel, with his hat and tiny revolver. A mid-level dead-squirrel enthusiast might go for the hunter squirrel, decked out in orange vest and rifle. But the true treasure of dead squirrels is the Canoe Squirrel, rowing down the river of Eternity with his proportionately-sized paddle and craft. Just a passenger on the ship of life, like all of us, except dead, and full of polyester stuffing, with no eyeballs, and glass beads sewn beneath the skin to give the appearance of life.

This toddlers’ shirt is only available in sizes 2T through 4T, but you can always order big and wait for your kid to grow into it. If he’s a weed-smoking Irishchild, that is.

Should your child live a sober non-Irish life, but is instead married to a Mexican man, you can purchase him (or her) this “I (heart) My Mexican Husband” t-shirt for toddlers.