Christmas Is A Time To Fuck

Is Christmas a loving, comforting time of year for you? Then you’re basic as hell. I’ve found a selection of books that show you the true spirit of Christmas: a cold, porny wonderland.

“Coming Down The Chimney” (above) sounds pretty messy, but it’s a fairly bland story of a lady having sex with Santa Claus.

“Santa’s Sexy Schoolgirl” is a story of a high-schooler having sex with Santa Claus.

“Naughty Elf” switches it up a bit by spinning a poorly-written tale of an elf lady (I think?) having sex with Jack Frost. It’s not really clear.

“Ravaged By Beasts on Christmas” is starting to get there. The book never says what the beasts are. It just says they’re ravaging the real crap out of the protagonist.

But my nomination for best Sex Christmas Book this year is “Christmas Party”. It’s the worst-written out of all of these, and includes memorable lines like:

“You haven’t had sex for more than one year?” asked Brenda to her colleague Tom.

Brenda was lesbian almost entirely but she fucked some men just for fun.

She understood that Tricia was the typical type of woman who liked to enjoy an intense sexual pleasure with loud moans but feel bad for not controlling her body.

You can see these (and more) in the “Look Inside” link for Christmas Party, if you need to do such a thing.

Finally, I’m clearly biased (this is a song I wrote, after all) but there’s only one way to wrap this all up into a tidy package: Fuck You If You Don’t Like Christmas.