Author Archives: drew

GambleBox

gamblebox-money-box-for-casino

GambleBox is a pocket-sized safe you use to “lock your winnings away” instead of gambling them away before you leave the casino. To use it, you’d have to convert your chips or tickets to cash before cramming them in this tiny metal box (you can see it full of money here.) And you’d actually have to win money at your game of choice before you start losing it, in order to have anything to stuff into the GambleBox.

But the main issue is the fact that GambleBox identifies a problem (compulsive gambling) and enables it rather than provides a solution. It’s frequently-bought-with this book about how to use strategies to play slot machines, which are required by law to yield completely random results, and “$LOT$ CONQUEST,” which would be a great rap name, but is sadly just another book with an imaginary system purporting to teach you how to beat a random-number generator.



RX Destroyer

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RX Destroyer is a bottle that converts drugs you don’t want into a slurry, which you then put into the trash to send the drugs harmlessly into the landfill and then the groundwater. I’m mostly posting it here because I’m dreaming of a mom angrily cramming nugs into the bottle, jamming the sticky buds down with her thumb into the slurry as she whispers “Just Say No” over and over.



Sex Monopoly

xxxopoly-adult-monopoly

How do you make sex boring? I’m glad you asked. The answer is XXX-opoly, the adult board game that turns your sex life into a chore that makes you hate your partner.

The Trophy

trophy-and-son

Congratulations, trophy… you did so well at sports that they gave your infant child back to you. The other trophies were not so lucky.

Collect Moments, Not Things

collect-moments-not-things-sign-1

Well, that’s a good idea, sign, and it’s…

collect-moments-not-things-bottle

 

Yeah, should probably get that slogan on a water bottle too. It’s really important to…

collect-moments-not-things-keychaincollect…

collect-moments-not-things-opener

 

moments…

collect-moments-not-things-mirror

 



Sex Checks

sex-checks

As Valentine’s Day approaches, it’s good to remember that nothing says romance like a book full of demand slips you give to your partner for specific deeds. You can see some of the slips in detail on the listing, but they’re as depressing as you’d expect.






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.