Author Archives: drew

I’m not sure either of these prints make sense, not that you would want a roll of toilet paper with vinyl labels on the outside. If you’re intent on taking a St. Patrick’s Dump, though, you can get a six-pack of green toilet paper. (This is worth checking out, if only for the picture of the public-restroom pictographs shopping in an imaginary toilet-paper store.)

The Lewis N. Clark Urban Gear Spork is a stainless-steel folding spork. The lone review sadly points out that the spoon is too large, the tines of the fork are too rounded to pick up food, and the “knife” is a few serrations carved into the side of the spoon. Perhaps feeling sorry for the urban spork, they then gave it three stars.

The Stainless Steel Tactical Spork, a different product, isn’t much better, but it does come with a picture of the spork attached to the end of an assault rifle.

This “shower beer holder” would be a good idea, except that there’s already a place to put your beer in the shower, and that’s your hand, or wherever you set your shampoo down. Oh, and, according to reviews, it doesn’t stick to your shower.

Eggies are plastic canisters which you crack eggs into and then boil, as a way to “hard boil eggs without the shell.” As you can tell from the hundreds of one-star reviews, it doesn’t seem to work very well. Eggies is not the first product to make eggs “easier” (see The Eggstractor, Rollie Eggmaster, Egg Genie, etc.) and it will be far from the last, as humanity continues to convince itself that eggs, one of the cheapest, fastest, and easiest foods to cook, are impossible puzzles.

This ruby is 2.45 carats, and, unfortunately, won’t treat high blood pressure, as the seller claims. But it does cost as much as a small amount of actual medical care.

The same seller offers a large Tsavorite gem for heart disease and a 6.35 carat garnet as treatment for arthritis, at a similar cost.

Hygeine is important, but Mr. Clean Mouth is still pretty gross, and Mr. Gross Mouth is so over-the-top that it won’t stop anyone from using dipping tobacco. But it’s 2018, and cops are still using the DARE program to tell kids they’ll die if they smoke weed, so authority figures lying to children about their health will likely continue.

I’m sorry about your brand name, Puredick.