Hatch Baby, a padded scale, allows you to weigh your baby obsessively. You set your infant on it, several times a day, and worry excessively about the numbers it sends to your phone. The graph goes up and down, giving you a visual readout of the terror you experience as a new parent. It works to intensify the fear and guilt you naturally feel when burdened with the responsibility of a newborn baby. Not satisfied by the white-knuckle grip that anxiety holds over your life, you allow Hatch Baby to quantify and magnify your deepest fears.

It’s great for dads, too.

The maker of these $35 sculptures describes them as the perfect gift for a new neighbor. If someone brought me one of these when I was carrying all my stuff into my new home, I’d assume I’d been cursed. (There are dozens of them. Make sure you click through the gallery to see the others.)

This de-shedding tool would probably fine if it weren’t for the name.

Why would you call it that?!

This hat is a baby-boomer’s nightmare vision of what a millennial would wear: a snapback with two middle fingers (one of which says FUCK) flanking the word SHIT.

If you haven’t already, follow The Worst Things For Sale on Facebook (facebook.com/twtfsale) or Twitter (@TWTFSale). Each daily item gets posted to both of those.

You wouldn’t think that an umbrella you wear as a hat would be such a persistent novelty, but here we are in 2016 with a new one. It would be unremarkable but for the “Yeah, we’ve got umbrella hats, and yeah, we’re cool” picture the manufacturer includes in the listing.

If you’re dying for more umbrella hat, here’s a list of available umbrella hats I made last year.

No, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this laser-thermometer. It’s cheap and it works. But if you’re anything like me, you’ll use it mostly for making your dog (or cat) chase it around the room, so when you need it for cooking, the battery’s dead.