Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Baby Anxiety Platform

hatch-baby-changing-pad

Hatch Baby, a padded scale, allows you to weigh your baby obsessively. You set your infant on it, several times a day, and worry excessively about the numbers it sends to your phone. The graph goes up and down, giving you a visual readout of the terror you experience as a new parent. It works to intensify the fear and guilt you naturally feel when burdened with the responsibility of a newborn baby. Not satisfied by the white-knuckle grip that anxiety holds over your life, you allow Hatch Baby to quantify and magnify your deepest fears.

It’s great for dads, too.

The Laser Thermometer

laser-thermometer

No, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this laser-thermometer. It’s cheap and it works. But if you’re anything like me, you’ll use it mostly for making your dog (or cat) chase it around the room, so when you need it for cooking, the battery’s dead.






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