This stylus with a ballpoint-pen tip is a great way to accidentally turn your iPad into the doodled-up credit-card machine that people accidentally sign with a pen instead of a stylus.

You did it! You called him not his name, and that made him stop trying to be the president! If only this incredibly-effective rhetorical device was around to call you-know-who “Shitler.” That would have also probably worked.

I’d seen these beard-hats online before, and didn’t write them up here because I thought, “well, those are just gifts, no one would actually wear one.” Then I saw someone yesterday walking down High Street wearing one, and realized that some people actually do. Unsurprisingly, people who bought this fucking hat also bought this axe and this sword.

This small, thin glass bottle (around seven inches tall) can be used to create flavored oils or liqueurs. So can any other bottle, glass or otherwise, without costing an extortionate amount. Like this one, which costs ten bucks and is roughly the same volume.

I can’t think of anything wrong with letting a machine with giant rotating blades decide where it wants to go, but this self-propelled lawn mower is exactly that thing. It doesn’t help that it’s styled to look like a dystopian future cop car, either.

There’s a cheaper one available if you don’t want to shell out two grand on the device that will eventually link up with SkyNet and learn to stand upright to murder its victims legs-first.

“Pocket Pets” sounds like a line of toys, but it’s actually a plastic tube that you use to carry a cockroach around with you. The manufacturer helpfully includes a picture of a smiling child with a cockroach, to imply that it’s not actually disgusting to have a child carry around an agent of pestilence, unleashing the rapidly-multiplying germ-carrier wherever he or she pleases.

I guess some people still use compact discs, because CD STOPLIGHT, one of the audiophile-hoax products introduced decades ago, is still being sold. It’s a marker that you use to color the edges of your CDs, to make them sound better. (How does it work? It doesn’t, obviously.) At least it’s not the Wireworld 6-meter speaker cable, a pair of which sells for a bit more money. (Okay, a lot more money.)