Dude! Pumpkin-suit guy! You don’t have to hang yourself. Just take off the pumpkin suit. There are plenty of better things for you to wear. Like this suit covered in $100-bills. Or a suit in poker-chip-and-card print.  

What house doesn’t need an almost-$500 taxidermied raccoon, immortalized in the act of eating Cracker Jacks? (The Cracker Jacks are included.)

You may never have run across one of these, but the premise of a “recipe in a jar” is that someone sifts together dry ingredients for a recipe and gives it to you as a “gift.” Your duty, as the recipient, is to add milk, eggs, butter, and other perishable ingredients, and then cook it, and then clean up after yourself, and then, purportedly, eat the recipe of unknown origin. Adding to the mystery of this book in particular is the fact that it has a ton of 5-star reviews that just say “Love it!” and are not suspicious at all.

I will gladly eat almost anyone’s home cooking, but I will never, ever cook someone’s weird recipe they found somewhere and put in a fucking jar.

In this year’s rundown of sexy women’s Halloween costumes, I’ve posted the women’s costume on the left, and the men’s costume (i.e. how the character actually looks) on the right. Just in case you thought the main character from Monsters Inc. had exposed, tanned thighs showing between his short skirt and leg-warmers.

“Gotta go… fast,” Sonic The Woman Hedgehog sighed, slipping on her ankle-warmers and three-inch heels.

I could show you sexy women’s versions of what men are doing all day.

Just like society.

“Liquid Trust” is a tiny, expensive bottle of body spray that contains oxytocin, designed to make other people trust you when they smell you. It doesn’t work in this way, since oxytocin is not very volatile (i.e. it doesn’t go from liquid to gaseous phase and disperse in the air.) You won’t experience any effects from the oxytocin yourself, either, since it doesn’t readily absorb through skin and wouldn’t cross the blood-brain barrier even if it did.

If you’re looking for a way for people to like you and trust you more, I’d suggest you try to be less of an asshole.

This book is a story of a man with Ebola who flew to Dallas and began the Ebola pandemic in America.

Not creepy until you see it was written in 1999.

Artist Rose Briccetti has oil-painted a replica of the classic Internet picture of a thick-spectacled man smoking in a wood-paneled room in front of his computer. It’s currently listed at $2,775.00.