The Worst Things For Sale

I blogged before about an item I found containing 8 pounds of cereal marshmallows. Well, Kraft, makers of all sorts of health-food items such as American Cheese Squares and Liquid Cheese And Wheat For Children, has topped that by selling a FORTY POUND BAG of cereal marshmallows.

You may have already seen the video… but did you know there’s a Prancersize book?

“Ever found yourself sitting at your desk all set to eat lunch and realize you have no utensils to use?” Yes, but you could keep a plastic fork in your desk, or a metal one, and not have to attach $8.49 worth of third-party pen caps to ballpoint pens and then have to use ballpoint pens to lift food to your mouth.

Wow, I haven’t seen soap you could fuck since that time I read that “make your own sex toys” book that said it’s a good idea to drill a hole in a regular bar of soap and fuck it.  

No, Yankee Candle, a place called “Man Town” doesn’t smell like a blend of spices, woods, and musk. It smells like beer that went stale as it soaked into a beige carpet that’s never been vacuumed, with hints of moldy shower and piss on the wall next to the toilet.

Contrary to the manufacturer’s claim, Flipper, a foot lever hooked to a string that Rube-Goldbergs your toilet lid up and down, won’t “save your marriage.” You’ll need communication skills and two fewer kids to do that.

Chicken diapers. A great gift for the person in your life who is okay with chickens walking around inside their house, but hates having to housetrain them.