The Worst Things For Sale

Two weeks ago I blogged about the American Standard 2889.216.020 toilet, which claims to be able to flush all manner of objects down itself, and today I present to you GIF-format evidence of its prowess. I also suggest that you check out the review that says that this toilet “makes waste elimination joyful.” That and getting enough fiber, I suppose.

This dry-erase board is made up of sixteen smaller dry-erase boards. The manufacturer brags that it comes with “anti-gravity markers,” which means that the end of the dry-erase marker fits into a hole on each dry-erase board. Another one of its features, which is the one that makes it worth four figures, is that it has magnets, which, as you know, are expensive and hard to get.

The “Fart Knocker” is an electronic sound-making door-knocker, based on the literal interpretation of the homophobic slur of the same name. “Fun for the family,” says a reviewer.

Wow, Jan. No need to brag.

According to NASA, there are fewer than 100 active astronauts right now, which is a pretty small target market. But, hey. If you’re an astronaut, why not brag around the perimeter of your license plate?

An Orgone Pyramid is a blob of plastic resin with crap inside of it. This one has little bits of steel shavings, sand, quartz, and amethyst mixed into the resin. It’s about 4″ high and costs insanely more than a four-inch plastic pyramid should.

The iStun is a “stun gun” with a sticker on the front to make it look kind of like an iPhone. Unlike a tazer, a stun gun’s blunt probes won’t work through clothing or let you be anywhere except next to your assailant, physically touching his skin with your fake iPhone. But maybe it makes you feel better, just by having it in your pocket, even if you don’t use it. So maybe it’s a lot like an iPhone after all.