The Worst Things For Sale

It’s marked as “ages 4-99,” but at this price, you probably don’t want to give it to your kid to chew on. Besides, if your kid’s going to be playmobiling, wouldn’t you prefer this Viking Playmobil set that lets them reenact the violent, slave-trading colonization of Europe? Or this Roman troop Playmobil set that lets them reenact the violent, slave-trading colonization of Europe?

Look into this man’s eyes. This is fun. He is having fun.

This is what fun looks like. Toilet basketball.

Not enough fun for you? Try toilet fishing, or Shit’N'Stroke (that’s the real name of the product, I promise.)

Coco Loko, described as “Infused Raw Cacao Snuff,” doesn’t disclose its ingredients, but its founder has told the media that it contains ginkgo, taurine, and guarana. As you might expect, reviews of Coco Loko are mostly negative, and mostly describe how uncomfortable and gross it is to sniff cocoa powder up your nose.

You tell me, children’s t-shirt model. I wouldn’t have brought the subject up on my own.

The same company makes what I believe is possibly the worst children’s item I’ve ever found, which I urge you not to look at. You have been warned.

The NOW That’s What I Call Music! series, unsurprisingly, receives almost unanimous five-star reviews. “I just put the CD in and know every song will be a great song,” writes a customer in reference to the 60th volume in this set. “Great purchase, and goes great with my ‘Now That’s What I Call Music!’ collection,” writes another.

The British version of this series started before the US version, and they are, as of last week, now on NOW That’s What I Call Music 98.

“Be as smart as Albert Einstein,” reads part of the insanely-long title of this doll, which connects to wifi and lets you play games with voice recognition and answer questions you ask him with your voice. Your phone already lets you do these things, for free. The same phone you must have to use the doll. It costs roughly two hundred dollars.

The PicoBrew is a $549 countertop appliance that brews beer using Pico Paks (sealed pouches of grains and hops) that you can buy premade for around $25-30.   If you want to “customize” a Pico Pak, you drag and drop ingredients on the manufacturer’s website, and they make it and send it to you. You can’t use your own ingredients, because Pico Paks have RFID tags that the machine requires to operate. But you’ve got to love that they used “Brew Free Or Die IPA” in the product shots of their wi-fi beer maker with DRM.