The Worst Things For Sale

(If you’d like to vote for one or another, you can do that on the Worst Things For Sale Facebook page.)

This is how you do it.

Sure, these “natural wood chew toys” for your dog are expensive, but it’s not like you can walk outside and find a cylinder of wood laying on the ground for free.

“It’s alot of fun,” brags the manufacturer of this backyard mini-golf kit, and when I think about trying to move a golf ball through 0.001 of an acre of four-inch-tall sparse grass dotted with dogshit, I’ve gotta agree.

Of course, there’s a specific (different) golf kit for the game ShitGolf, and though it’s cheap, it looks even less fun than the first set.

It seems like hell to me, but if you want to sleep outside in an unventilated bubble of your own hot breath, then the $900 bubble tent might be a great purchase. For those with a larger family, the two-room version clocks in at over four grand.

In a nation where income inequality continues to grow, public services are being privatized, and the government prioritizes funneling wealth into corporations over the basic needs of its people, it’s time for us to accept that some people just need to die to make our country better. And if you’re Victor Rook, those people are cell-phone users. Taste the blade of the national razor, cell phonies!

The Amazon Echo Show is the same thing as the Amazon Echo, plus a video screen, so it can show you advertisements.

Alexa, show me the date and time of my death.

Alexa, move the time and date of my death to as soon as possible.