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26 July, 2017
This piece of plastic is meant to be worn on the thumb, where, if you hold a book a specific way, it will push the book open. It probably works, if you read a book in that specific way. Nonetheless, there is an artisinally-handmade version for three times the price, or, if you want to go all the way, a cantilevered floor stand for holding your book for thirty-seven times the price.
25 July, 2017
Even if you’re down for a North Korea joke, the implication of this mug is that if you complain about the DPRK’s regime, they’ll throw your entire family in a labor camp, where you will be tortured and starved until you all die. I’d think that was just a misstep, except the company makes another, different torture mug,
24 July, 2017
This key allows you to “kill” a lock by inserting and turning it. The manufacturer claims that it’s for landlords, but given that their other products are sneezing powder, stink bombs, stain-powder, and powdered capiscum, it’s clear this is meant to be used as a “prank.” Not a prank where someone is fooled and then everyone laughs, but the kind of prank where you ruin someone’s day and don’t tell them who did it.
Anyway, some guy bought one and used it on his own house, so enjoy his one-star review of what happened next.
23 July, 2017
Your dog will eat Puppy Cake’s just-add-water Dog Cheesecake. He’ll also eat any food ever made, and grass from the yard, and poop from the yard. So if you spend your afternon whipping him up a Red Velvet Puppy Cake, and he eats it, it’s not because he’s been craving the taste of red food coloring. It’s because he knows anything you set on the floor is his, and you just set an entire weird little cake down there.
22 July, 2017
It’s not that setting up a flaming pile of skulls in your yard wouldn’t be the most bad-assed thing to ever happen to your yard. It’s just that they’re sold individually, so if you want the full “pile of skulls” effect, it’ll run you several hundred dollars. (The manufacturer recommends you use nine to fifteen skulls.)
21 July, 2017
This LED light fits inside the neck of a bottle, and could be used with most wine or liquor bottles. The question of why you’d want a Southern Comfort lamp, on the other hand, has not been answered.
