The Worst Things For Sale

Activ5 is more or less the same thing as every crappy home exercise device of the last 20 years, except it Bluetooths to your phone. Track how much you fucking squeeze it between your heels and rub your fist on it, I guess.

Ah, capitalism. You just can’t beat selling oversized rolls of toilet paper and then selling a toilet-paper-holder-extender to let the larger rolls fit on the holder

Internet! Bring me more underwear! NO, NOT ANY KIND! Calvin Klein only! Stat!

Single-use appliance? Check.

Expensive? Check.

Works only with proprietary, disposable pods? Check.

Tries to replace an ancient, nearly-free method of making the same thing? Of course.

Controlled by your phone? Hell yes it is.

These visors-with-attached-wigs have been around for twenty or thirty years, but I never realized just how many hair colors (or, for that matter, atrocious visors) were possible in such a product.

Please do not call your grandma “Meme.” If you do, then please do not buy her this sign, and absolutely do not buy her this “I’m A Meme” mug.

For every person who finds this uninteresting, there are ninety-nine who cry out, “Yes! More of the same thing!”