The Worst Things For Sale

This book, which I’m going to abbreviate IDCIMBFMIASSHAITASWH, either hits your hot spot or it doesn’t. Let’s just hope that the winds of chance don’t blow this to the top of the rubble-heap when our society inevitably collapses, so that humans a thousand years from now think we were all into this.

By the author of A Gronking To Remember 2: Chad Goes Deep In The Neutral Zone.

There’s nothing wrong with coloring books for adults, as a thing that adults can do. But if you’re an adult, and you want to color, your choices are a handful of porny titles like The Fetish Coloring Book or Play With My Boobs: A Titstacular Activity Book, or  “Boring Houses: A Sedate Coloring Book Of Buildings.” (Okay, the real title is Historic Houses Of New England, but still.)

You’d think that with how much colored pencils cost, there’d be a mini-industry of good ways to use up your colored pencils so you’d have to buy new ones, but nope, it’s either Story Of The American Revolution Coloring Book or Kinksters With Crayons.

A beer bottle is a disposable (and recyclable) object, so it makes sense that you’d want to bolt a tiny beer-stein lid to it. After all, it takes so long to consume a single bottle of beer that it’s weird nobody’s invented a cover for it. Who knows when a meteor could fly through the earth’s atmosphere, sending tiny shards of space-mineral into the narrow opening of your Piney Dan’s Hop-Roasted IPA Smoked Fucker Stout?

How are I going to use the 12.5-inch Fantasy Master FM-400S Display Knife?! Dumb question, my friend. The question you should really be asking is, “do I want to find out how the 12.5-inch Fantasy Master FM-400S Display Knife is used for self-defense when its owner is threatened???”

Unfortunately, you can’t stream this DVD online, but do yourself a favor and check out the screencaps of the grey-haired protagonist caning the shit out of the bald guy.

It’s also important to note that “frequently bought with” this DVD is this item.

Well, shit, I guess I want to touch Clean Remote, and also I’m starting to think that I want to keep my jacking-off MRSA piss-and-shit pigs from touching my regular remote.

This album is 21 years old, but you’ve got to hand it to Trick Daddy for titling his sophomore album “www.thug.com,” and titling the first track “Log In.”  (Please go and listen to “Log In,” if you have six seconds to spare. That’s how long it is.)