Lester’s Sodas


I had the misfortune of trying several of Lester’s Fixins sodas this week. The most palatable of them was the Sweet Corn soda, above, which tasted like drinking the liquid from a can of canned corn. The Coffee soda tasted like sugar-water with just a whiff of coffee in it. The Buffalo Wing soda was a sickly-sweet combination of vinegary pepper-sauce and lemon.

The worst, though, was the Peanut Butter and Jelly soda, which tasted kind of like a dog spitting some old Mr. Pibb into your mouth. It was fake-grapey, with a hint of something menacing and rotten in there somewhere that lingered for hours after I’d brushed my teeth.

I guess if you order five-dollar single bottles of soda, you don’t get what you want, but you probably get what you ask for.

Nipples for your nipples


These are “realistic” nipple pasties, which are shaped like nipples, which you glue over your nipples so no one can see your nipples. Don’t ask me, I wasn’t the one who made graphic mass-murder OK for everyone including kids to watch on TV, but made nipples illegal forever for everyone.

Uncensored picture is on the product listing, if you don’t know what a nipple looks like. (I blurred it here since some of you have jobs.)

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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.