Pregnancy Sound System


The pregnant mother gazes lovingly at her bulging midsection. “Feel the boom,” she cackles, and cranks the Nuvo Ritmo Pregnancy Sound System to maximum volume.

The ad copy promises to let “future mom and dads… record their own voices for the baby to hear” but who are we kidding? Your fetus is already behind the times, musically, and if he or she doesn’t experience the hard-sync blasts of Darude’s “Sandstorm” before being born, they’re going to grow up listening to ragtime or something.  

Vomit Mix Capsules


The vaguely named “Vomit Mix Capsules” are $16.95, and described by the manufacturer as containing “a proprietary mix of herbs.” No details on what the herbs are, and no picture of the product except for a tiny picture of a woman barfing. The same manufacturer sells “Asthma Mix,” which has a single, one-star review claiming his Asthma Mix Capsules were expired by the time they arrived. Hey, you want a proprietary mix of herbs, you gotta accept that they might be expired.

Wesley Crusher: Teenage Fuck Machine


“Wesley Crusher: Teenage Fuck Machine” is, improbably, the SECOND book the author has written about Wil Wheaton. The first, “Wil Wheaton: Teenage Sex Machine” was pulled before I was able to publish this, presumably because it was about a specific living person who didn’t give them permission to write about his sex life.

Both of them pale in comparison to the author’s previous work, “Sherlock Holmes: A Strange Case Of Dicklessness,” which you can read in the “Look Inside” link here, and is exactly what it sounds like.

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