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Beamz By Flo

Now, you can live your dreams of being a star. As the manufacturer of Beams By Flo says in their infomercial (below), “Why spend thousands of dollars on frustrating music lessons?” Watch it only if you want to see the rapper Flo Rida try to sell people a laser-theremin that plays country music.

If it looks familiar, it’s because Beamz was originally sold in 2009 as “Beamz Pro”, and again in 2010 as “Beamz C4.” Like a wingnut politician, or a turd with too much fat, Beamz just keeps bobbing to the surface.

Toydozer: The Lego Box That Cleans Up Legos

toydozer

The Toydozer, according to the manufacturer, is a “unique design” enabling kids to clean up Legos. It’s $14.99. It also happens to be almost the same exact shape and size as the plastic box and lid that several Lego sets come in:

toydozer2

I wonder where they got the idea.



Dinosaur Erotica

mating-raptor

“Think you’ve bated to the good stuff?” the man asked me, taking a drag off his cigarette. The butt glowed orange, illuminating the dark alley. I nodded, and he laughed. “You haven’t even scratched the surface, kid.” He reached into his briefcase and handed me a copy of Mating With The Raptor. “This lady fucks a raptor. A dinosaur raptor. A real one, that’s alive.”

Shaking off my disbelief, I walked away, hurriedly tucking the dinoporn into my jacket pocket. “Wait,” he called after me. “You forgot something.” As I approached him once more, he handed me Mounted By The Gryphon, Ravished By The Triceratops, and Taken By The Pterodactyl. “Now get home before that boner of yours explodes and takes out a pedestrian.”









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