Lester’s Sodas

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I had the misfortune of trying several of Lester’s Fixins sodas this week. The most palatable of them was the Sweet Corn soda, above, which tasted like drinking the liquid from a can of canned corn. The Coffee soda tasted like sugar-water with just a whiff of coffee in it. The Buffalo Wing soda was a sickly-sweet combination of vinegary pepper-sauce and lemon.

The worst, though, was the Peanut Butter and Jelly soda, which tasted kind of like a dog spitting some old Mr. Pibb into your mouth. It was fake-grapey, with a hint of something menacing and rotten in there somewhere that lingered for hours after I’d brushed my teeth.

I guess if you order five-dollar single bottles of soda, you don’t get what you want, but you probably get what you ask for.



Nipples for your nipples

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These are “realistic” nipple pasties, which are shaped like nipples, which you glue over your nipples so no one can see your nipples. Don’t ask me, I wasn’t the one who made graphic mass-murder OK for everyone including kids to watch on TV, but made nipples illegal forever for everyone.

Uncensored picture is on the product listing, if you don’t know what a nipple looks like. (I blurred it here since some of you have jobs.)








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.