Share

Breast Enhancement Soap

tumblr_mhgo66WNYC1rt7j2bo1_500

Natureday’s “Breast Enhancement Soap” claims to enlarge breasts when you wash your breasts with the soap. I was skeptical, but all of the obviously fake, barely-literate five-star reviews really convinced me.

The same manufacturer makes Breast Enhancement Cream, Breast Enhancement Pills and Breast Enhancement Liquid. Curiously absent, of course, is Self Esteem Enhancement Ointment, or It’s OK To Have Regular Boobs Loofah. That’s just the way the quasimedical herb industry goes, I guess.

By the way, that’s not a real picture of the soap. The manufacturer’s own JPEG was only 100 pixels across, so I did them the favor of creating a new picture for them. You’re welcome, Questionably Effective Titsoap Company.

“Exercise Kit”

tumblr_mhb310qrrh1rt7j2bo1_400

This “exercise kit” is two plastic pads you stand on, and slide around on, on the carpet, to exercise. It’s $29.95, which is a great price for two flat pieces of plastic.

You need to read the manufacturer’s description of what kind of fitness you’ll get by sliding around on these plastic pieces. It’s a core workout, AND better than “any machine”, AND you can use it at the gym. Because that’s what you need after spending thirty bucks on eight cents of plastic. You need the people rolling around on those big red bouncy balls to look at you and think, “Wow, I am definitely not doing the worst and dumbest exercise in this building at this moment.”

Seriously, read what they claim these two pieces of plastic will do for your body.



Grilled Pizza Cone

tumblr_mh96azJbbe1rt7j2bo1_500

The “Grilled Pizza Cone” is perfect for the person who likes pizza ingredients, but wants a way to make sure they don’t lose any of that orange pizza grease. The low-surface-area design means the ingredients won’t get browned. They’ll be bathed in that delicious orange grease.

The manufacturer describes these as “grilled pizza cones” so I guess you’re supposed to put them on the grill. But really, if you’re murdering the very idea of pizza this badly, anything goes. Start a trash fire in an oil drum and throw the pizza cones in there and then eat the trash. We live in trash world now, this is your dinner.



Enema Simulator

tumblr_mh9886t3Zn1rt7j2bo1_500

This anatomical model is an “enema simulator”. Sure, nursing and medical students need to know how to do an enema. And the colon isn’t just a gross pooptube, it’s an important part of the human digestion system.

But it costs $570, which is an awful lot for a fake butt. Surely there are people who would let you do it for free, or even pay you to enemize them. If only we had some kind of global electronic network of ass freaks so we could find them.



Pornogami

tumblr_mh97joGgKQ1rt7j2bo1_500

Sometimes I’ll see a product and immediately know that someone thought of a title first, and then said “I could make a thing called that.” The book Pornogami is one of those products.

The origami in the upper-left is called “Breasts”, to give you an idea of how unsuccessful the execution of this idea turned out. You can flip through the preview of the book to see “Rope”, “Condom”, “Sperm”, “Penis” and “3-D Penis” if you don’t believe me, though.



Kim Jong Il’s book

tumblr_mhio5tqwCl1rt7j2bo1_500

You probably already know Kim Jong Il as being the dead ex-leader of North Korea who presided over the country’s descent into famine. But did you know he was also an author, kind of?

One of KJI’s favorite things to do was “on-the-spot guidance”, which he would give at construction sites, communal farms, factories, or movie sets. He’d show up and give them Kim Jong Il Pro Tips, which were accepted readily by everyone, because the alternative was to be killed immediately, or worse, sent to a labor camp with their entire family, tortured for years, and then killed.

Living in a bubble of his own making, though, KJI took the praise of his advice to mean that he really was a genius, especially in cinema, and wrote this book to get his great movie ideas into writing. The only copy I found for sale was $200, but if you’ve got an unstoppable hankering to read garbage, I found a PDF of it at an official North Korean website.







TWTFS is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. We are not affiliated with the manufacturers whose products appear on TWTFS.