Dog Food That’s Human Food


Most dog owners know that dogs will eat anything, including an array of non-food household goods, and other animals’ poop. For those who own a dog and yet know nothing of the dog’s taste, there is Bowser Beer, a bizarrely expensive six-pack of bottles of mostly beef broth.

And for those who haven’t figured out that human-oriented peanut butter is a dog’s favorite food, there is Dogsbutter, a special peanut butter made for dogs which is more expensive and, I’m guessing (because I’m not going to buy it and taste it) probably worse than the regular king.

Thankfully, one reviewer of the dog beer notes, “I tried to give this to 3 different dogs and none of them would eat it… and one of them eats concrete.”



It’s gift time, which means it’s time for millions of people to guess with their wallets. Enter ManBuckets, a pre-bucketed, overpriced gift of beef. Or a bizarre combination of rags, super glue, a single Gatorade, a sponge, and buffalo popcorn. Or an almost-as-bizarre combination of goldfish crackers, a hat, and a bar of soap. It’s the result of a last-minute convenience-store shopping trip, at twice the price.

A better option would be the 15-pack of kangaroo/ostrich/elk (and other weird) meats for $24, if you’re committed to a meat-based present.

Fake Walnuts


Fake walnuts cost almost exactly as much as real walnuts. Just a tip for the next time you decide to decorate with walnuts. (The money you save by using real, free leaves instead of buying artificial leaves is probably more impressive.)

Eggs: Impossible To Crack


This device, just like the edge of a pan, or a countertop, is an egg cracker. You whack the egg onto it and the shell of the egg cracks. There’s also the EZ CrackerBW Egg Cracker, and the Clever Cracker, if you’re curious about this microcosm of eggs that can’t be cracked. Humans have been cracking and eating eggs since the discovery of chickens, but in the world of 2016, we’ve got to have something do it for us.

Take a close look at that picture up there, by the way. The little grey thing in the middle is a RAZOR BLADE. If you need a special stand and a razor blade to crack an egg, you’re not buying eggs. Those are rocks.

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