101 Kick Ass Things


The author of this book describes herself as a “health and beauty researcher.” I won’t deny you the pleasure of clicking thru to the book preview and reading some of her 101 Kick Ass Things To Do Instead Of Eating, but I will say that telling someone to go on a jog instead of eating doesn’t require that much of an investment in health and beauty research.

It’s fucked-up enough to write a book encouraging women to develop or deepen their eating disorders by telling them they “deserve a flat belly” and that they should clean their house instead of eating. What pushes this one over the edge is that the first book was so successful the author wrote a sequel.

Bike texting


It’s dangerous to pilot a four-thousand-pound (or more) metal vehicle down the road while playing with your phone. But it’s suicidal to do it on a ten-pound aluminum frame on a road full of two-ton motor vehicles driven by phone-distracted morons.

Being able to use GPS and a stopwatch and everything on your bike would be handy, but let’s not pretend like any of us are strong enough to ignore a screen in front of our faces. We’re apes, all of us. We’re bonobos with feet that can’t grip, and our families aren’t functional, and we don’t have bonobo sex ten times a day. We’ve traded all that for our ability to create glowing rectangles and heat the earth until the oceans lap at our feet.

Magnetic Toe Rings


These magnetic toe rings note that they should be “used as a part of a weight loss and exercise program.”

Well, sure. If you combine anything with eating less and exercising more, you’ll probably lose weight. That’s like selling weight-loss cinder blocks. As people carry them away, you go “Hey, just FYI, they DO totally work, for real, but you might also want to eat less!

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