Socks that say “Fuck You”


Socks that say “Fuck You” on the bottom, hidden by your shoes, and also hidden by the fact that you’re walking on them, are the perfect way to rebel without actually doing anything or communicating with anyone else at all.

BUT. If you get those “Fuck You” socks, AND then you get these “Fuck Me” socks, you can swap them out so you have one pair that says “Fuck Fuck.” Inside your shoes. Under your feet. Never mind, that’s still stupid.

Miracle fruit


Miracle fruit is the berry of a plant indigenous to West Africa which contains a glycoprotein called miraculin. This protein binds to the sweet receptors on your tongue, causing everything you eat to taste sweet for about an hour after you coat your tongue in miracle berry pulp (or tablets, like these, which contain an extract.)

When you’ve dosed yourself with miracle berry, strong beer tastes like creme soda. Lemons and limes taste like candies. Cream cheese tastes like cheesecake. Sour candy tastes like sweet candy! Grapefruit tastes like grapefruit candy!

Then, an hour later, as you’re spooning cream cheese into your mouth like a stoner with an empty fridge, your guts start to hurt. They pang, and tear, worse and worse, and you set down the cup, suddenly realizing that you can’t eat a pound of acidic fruit just because it tastes okay. The curdled cream-cheese and fruit cocktail erupts out of your gullet and onto your rug, washing the last of the protein from your tongue, and you taste the bitterness of shame.

You Love Moustache


You ♥ moustache, huh? And you get to wear that out in public, all day, but I can’t take 10 steps inside the mall with my “I ♥ PUBES” shirt before the security guard tells me to leave.

Could you imagine


Could you imagine liking a commercial so much that you buy merchandise of the commercial? Not the thing the commercial’s selling, but a souvenir, from the commercial, to remind you of the commercial.

Of course, this is America, so that market exists, and their need has been fulfilled. My only question is why hasn’t Progressive made a commercial for this bobblehead, and sold merchandise of THAT commercial’s character, because this could keep going forever, down and down.

We are the only life that we know of in the universe. There is only darkness for thousands of light-years in every direction, and this is what we’ve done with our light.

When I touch the commercial, she head bobbles.

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