The Man Bowl


If you have a sex thing where you want someone to treat you bad, that’s one thing. But quietly assenting to eat meals out of a big dog-bowl labeled MAN is a special level of depressing. Maybe it’s the Chef Boyardee and goblet of Juicy Juice, but it just seems degrading. You might as well drink out of the toilet. (That second link is proof that somewhere, a time traveler stepped on a butterfly, and we got pushed onto an alternate timeline where nothing will be quite right ever again.)

The Go Plate


The Go Plate is a plastic plate that fits over a beer bottle, to theoretically make it easier to eat an enormous bowl of food and drink a bottle of beer while you’re standing up. The practical solution to this is multiple trips to the food line, or a table, or a ledge, or sitting down, or anything.

Capitalism being what it is, if you feel this plate-and-drink setup is somehow optimal, but you drink wine, fear not: there is Wine’n'Dine, a one-handed plastic contraption that holds both food and a glass of wine. There’s even Gourmet Acacia Wood Cocktail Plates, which is a wooden version of Wine’n'Dine, with an accordingly more-expensive price tag, and charming photos of a snack consisting of eight grapes and two cubes of cheese.

And finally, for the person who prefers quantity over quality, there is this 2-quart galvanized-steel funnel into which you can pour any soft food, and/or any combination of liquids, to ensure a perfect party experience. Just dump your edibles and drinkables into the funnel, and straight down it goes, foie-gras style, a half-gallon at a time. This is how we party. We out here.

Philip M. Parker’s Outlooks For 2016


Philip M. Parker, author of, at last count, over 200,000 books, has released his newest set of computationally-written books generated from public datasets. “The 2016-2021 Outlook For Chlorine Gas In Africa & The Middle East” does what it says on the can, for a $425 price point. It’s a bargain compared to “The World Market for Unwrought Titanium, Titanium Waste and Scrap, and Titanium Powders: A 2016 Global Trade Perspective,” which will run you $795 for the paperback edition.

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