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Hide Liquor In Your Tampons

tampon-flasks

“Tampon Flasks” are test tubes which come with fake tampon wrappers, so you can bring an ounce of liquor (per tampon) somewhere and then pour it out of your tampon into your drink. Or just drink it straight out of the tampon! Both of those would be totally normal in a public place.  



PocketPlug case for iPhone

iphone-plug-case

The PocketPlug case seems like a cool idea – a case that has prongs built in that you can snap out to plug your iPhone into the wall to charge it. Too bad that:

1. It makes your iphone thicker, longer, and much heavier.

2. You can’t plug in headphones while your iPhone is in it.

3. You need a separate, non-Apple cable if you want to hook it into your computer.

4. It’s really expensive.



Sriracha: Worse than bacon?

31Mj16J4OAL

I’m glad that our planet’s Bacon Years are over, and now we can go back to normal stuff like Sriracha socks. Sure, it’s not very good for a hot sauce, but at least it’s pretty healthy, and

sriracha-bottle

Haha yeah, it looks like you’re drinking Sriracha, but it’s for water! I’m glad this isn’t going overboard like the bacon stuff, because

i-cock-sriracha

Wait, you cock hot sauce? What do you mean? Is this some kind of

sriracha-lip

No!!! Not this again! Just because people like one thing doesn’t mean you have to

sriracha-candy

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOO 



Password Safe

password-safe

The Password Safe is a $49.95 electronic device that looks like a 90s-era standalone word processor. It stores your passwords inside of it. Which would be great, except:

1. A paper notebook would also do this, for about a dollar.

2. If you lose the password for the Password Safe itself, you’re fucked.

3. If the Password Safe’s battery dies, you’re fucked.

4. If the Password Safe breaks, you’re fucked.

There is a cheaper version available for $31, which uses a cellphone-text-message system for entering your passwords, which may be even more hilarious than the one in the picture up there, considering that every “secure” password now requires 14 characters, 3 capital letters, 2 numbers, and 4 symbols. It has 29 one-star reviews, which reflect the unfortunate reality that it works about as well as you’d imagine.



Candy Cane G-String

candy-cane-gstring

There are only 9 of these left in stock, which may be due to the fact that it’s non-returnable. The lone review says that it “felt like a chinese fingertrap.” And, unsurprisingly, it is “frequently bought with” dick soap. Gotta lather up and get out of that fingertrap, I guess.







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