Pet Umbrella


The Pet Umbrella is an upside-down umbrella that keeps your dog dry while you walk. “That makes sense,” you say, until I point out that it was Frequently Bought With Snuggie For Dogs.

Snuggie For Dogs.

Hot Dog Hat


Finally, you can wear a great lunch food on your head with Hot Dog Hat, the $6.95 accessory of your dreams. If that’s not quite doing it for you, try Hamburger Hat or Pizza Hat, by the same manufacturer.

Penis And Testicle Crusher


For less than $40, you can crush your penis AND OR your testicles in the “Master Series Penis And Testicle Crusher.” It’s made of clear plastic so you can see your organs silently, painfully agonize as you abuse them.

Facebook Oven Mitt


The manufacturers can’t call it a Facebook oven mitt, because that would violate copyright, but they accurately predicted that an oven mitt shaped like the Facebook “Like” icon would be popular. It’s one of the better-selling oven mitts, which, in a world where you can have an oven mitt shaped like a lobster claw for half the price, is a travesty.

Beer Box Cowboy Hats


You might see this and think that someone made a beer case into a cowboy as a novelty, once, for fun, as a craft. But you’d be wrong. There are dozens of them, in all the possible brands and shapes.

Amish Vampires In Space


“Jebediah has a secret  [...] that will send his people into space.” So begins the promotional copy of Amish Vampires In Space, and goes downhill from there. The intrepid can read some of it in the “Look Inside” link, though I don’t recommend it.

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