The Worst Things For Sale

This plastic mug is covered in Lego nubbins, so you can drink coffee out of a big squared-off glob of Legos, because that would be super convenient.

Did the bike skip out on its shared apartment, leaving the author to pay rent by herself? Did it sell her counterfeit Garbage Pail Kids cards on eBay? Did it fail to appear in court to act as the author’s attorney? No! None of these! “The Bike That Fucked Me” is a 3000-word story about a “dildo bike.”

If you’re into bike fucking but you don’t get into hetero stuff, the same author has written an eerily-similar 3000-word story entitled  “The Bike That Butt Fucked Me.”

The trilogy concludes with a 3000-word story about group sex, called… yes… “The Bikes That Fucked Us.”

Wiping your ass with novelty toilet paper printed with money is a good metaphor for spending seven actual dollars on a tiny roll of one-ply TP. Not unbelievably, it’s “frequently bought together” with hundred-dollar-bill napkins.

Neither of them, though, have the money-flushing power of this $8,000 screenprint of a hundred-dollar bill.

The “50/50 bank” lets you drop a coin in the top and watch it fall into one of two separate tubs of change. But I want to know what college can be paid for with a handful of change. For that matter, I wanna know where I can take a trip to a casino and spend less than thirty bucks.

Thanks to @flangy for this find – it’s a rug you can still buy this year which features the online buzzwords of 1999 along with that ’99 design style.

This is, unfortunately, not where Pennsylvania and Ohio are in relation to each other.

“Newspaper Builders” is a “toy” which costs $40 and consists of a handful of plastic asterisks. To make anything with it, you need to sit and roll newspaper into rods of specific sizes, and then stick them into the asterisks to make anything.

It would be a great way to reuse your old newspapers, if this weren’t the 21st century, and we still needed to subscribe to a daily delivery of corporate-sponsored world news printed on dead trees to know what was going on. And if it didn’t cost $40. And if you wouldn’t have to stand guard with a tazer to force an infinitely-bored child into rolling up old newspaper for hours.