Look at these two tools

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Look at these two implements. They’re almost exactly the same.

The item on the left is “Jelq Device”, a $63 hand tool used to jelq. Although unacceptable in scrabble, the word “jelq” means squeezing blood into your dick over and over, which is supposed to make it larger. Like most alternative medicine, it maybe works and probably doesn’t.

The item on the right is a jar opener. It’s $5.36. One of the customer reviews says “I used this to poach my eggs” and I’m betting that’s a euphemism.

Even though it’s probably inadvisable to use anything to squeeze your genitals over and over in a sad ritual, now, at least, you know there’s a way to poach your eggs on the cheap.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.