Get the last of the toothpaste out of the tube


I have obsessions. Maybe I even have a lot of them. But I try to recognize that I’m getting too concerned with something and just let it go. I don’t buy a special tool to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the toothpaste tube.

Here’s the deal with consumer products. They are labeled “to delivery” which means that in every 6-ounce tube of toothpaste, there’s actually more than six ounces inside. The average user can squeeze six ounces out, leaving some residue inside, but surely getting their moneys’ worth of toothpaste. Same with deodorant and hairspray. They put a little extra in there so you get what you paid for.

If you can’t help thinking about your lost toothpaste and you buy a torture device to angrily force the residual tenth of an ounce of fucking Colgate out of the tube and into your crazy mouth, then you don’t need an $18 toothpaste-tube wringer. You need to talk to a professional, or maybe just a mirror to look into, so you can ask your reflection if you’re being unreasonable.

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Contact drew at or tweet him @TWTFSale.