I think he’s being facetious, but one of the reviewers for this insanely expensive eighty-two inch computer monitor says it’s great for Farmville. And if he’s not, it was probably a better investment than dropping thousands of bucks into Zynga stock, anyway.

The “S’More To Love” Smore Maker is a great way to turn a fun, seasonal activity into another sugary lump of food that Mom cooks while everyone else looks at the internet.

Why go outside and have a great inter-generational experience where everyone helps to build a fire, and then laughs when you burn your marshmallow again, when you could syringe-squirt your pre-measured glop into a specific cookware grid and plop it in the oven for an exact length of time? After all, life isn’t fun when it’s unpredictable and homemade, it’s fun when you spend money on cookware products and eat as conveniently as possible.

Halloween is two weeks out. Either you’ve been painstakingly planning your elaborate costume since June, or you’re the type who has to mail-order something at the very last minute so you don’t look like you’re not adequately displaying team spirit at work.

Why not go as Sexy Coca-Cola this year? Save yourself the trouble of adding any distinguishing features and slap on a teeny dress with a big Coke logo on it. Just the brand and your boobs and your butt. That’s how marketing works. How about Sexy Nerds (The Candy)? Wait, hold on, are all the women’s costumes this year just little dresses with brand logos? Sexy ketchup? Sexy Four Loko???

The worst of these halloween brand-dresses may be Sexy M&M. A regular M&M is something you could theoretically dress up as, because it’s a circle with an “m” on it, but a circle wouldn’t be sexy and could, I’m guessing, potentially let someone over a size 4 get into it. And that could hurt the brand. Marketing! Branding! We live in the hellscape our companies have created and when we eat their delicious candy to soothe the pain we’re not allowed to represent the brand. I’m crying, and eating Twix, and I will never be a Twix, never.

Who says Halloween is just for people?

Me. I say that. Because inflatable unicorn horn for cats.

The only thing sadder than a kid paying another kid to be his friend is an adult paying someone to be his Facebook friend.

Bragging that your fish oil is “formerly odorless” is probably not the best way to sell something that smells like a day-old chumbucket to begin with.

Instead of opening the end of the butter wrapper and cutting a piece off the end with a knife or fork, how about you unwrap the whole thing and load it into the special cartridge of the Butter Cutter.

Then you find that (according to reviews) a regular stick of butter won’t fit. You actually have to cut off a hunk of the butter before loading it into the Butter Cutter. Also, if you keep it in the fridge, the butter will be too hard to cut with the Butter Cutter. Also, the butter gets caught inside and you have to scrape it out with a knife.

CONVENIENT!!!!!!