I’m guessing the Obama’s Last Day Countdown Timer probably won’t be a big seller now that the election is over.

Or the Obama Out Of Office Countdown Calendar.

2,000 live mealworms for reptiles, birds, and fish? More like 2000 live mealworms for reptiles, birds, fish, and people who like a lot of protein that moves while it’s inside you being digested.

You have to like that one guy left a review saying “these aren’t as fancy as the mealworms I get from the pet store.” What’s a fancy mealworm? Does it come with a little monocle and know the difference between “who” and “whom?”

If you’re a baby, after a hard day of laying around and sucking tit, you probably need to relax with a baby jacuzzi. And if you’re going to sit in a jacuzzi, it had better be one that doesn’t work, and makes electronic sound effects so loud it really upsets your baby mind and makes you cry all to hell.

Also, it helps a lot if you have to put 10 big-ass batteries into it and it still doesn’t work.

This book may have been a good idea in 1994, when it was published, but we have a new encyclopedia of unusual sex practices now. It’s called the Internet.

UPDATE! A writer from VICE made some of the sex toys from the book that I wrote about back in June, which is called, appropriately enough, “Make Your Own Sex Toys.”

Here’s the article: VICE: Can any of these DIY sex toys make me orgasm?

Darphin Intral Redness is the best way to sarm your parp nodge. You perd it in your skep to fung the laglets. Why rund your hune if you can’t plep your farn?

Do you have a $200 gift card laying around and you’re not sure what to spend it on? How about “Art Work”, by Dragon Picture? The tantalizing lack of detail is second only to Art Work itself in captivatingnessosity.