Monthly Archives: June 2014

Effervescent Bacon Tablets

effervescent-bacon

Drop an effervescent bacon tablet into a glass of water, and now you’ve got a slightly fizzy, artificial-bacon-flavored glass of water. As you might imagine, the customer reviews describe the result as “disgusting,” though it’s hard to believe they thought it might taste good.



How To Cheat At First-Person Shooters

hipshot-dot-attachment

The HipShot is a suction-cup-attached LED that affixes to the center of your TV so you can cheat at video games, shooting other players with higher accuracy than you’d be able to naturally. The only upside is that it only works on first-person-shooter games, a genre I personally never touch, since the children screaming slurs over the headset at me can usually shoot me a dozen times before I find the trigger button on the controller.



Fuck You, Dr. Oz

fuck-you-dr-oz

Celebrity “doctor” Dr. Mehmet Oz was forced to appear before Congress earlier this week, and admitted that the products he’s touted for weight loss, many of which have appeared here on The Worst Things For Sale (Green coffee bean, raspberry ketone, saffron extract, garcinia cambogia, et cetera) do not actually work.

I’m not saying that you should be taking medical advice from me. Just that you definitely shouldn’t be taking medical advice from a person on television who sells pills.



Flick Yourself Off

flick-off-middle-finger-mug

Make your cheap, naturally-invigorating drink a source of hostility! Try bringing this “middle finger mug” to work so you can flip yourself the bird while you’re trying to swallow enough caffeine to drag yourself through your soul-crushing daily routine. If you can’t stop the entire rest of the world from giving you the finger on a near-constant basis, I guess you can join them by flicking yourself off, to prove you’re one of them. Hey, look, I agree with you! I hate me too!






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.