Make your cheap, naturally-invigorating drink a source of hostility! Try bringing this “middle finger mug” to work so you can flip yourself the bird while you’re trying to swallow enough caffeine to drag yourself through your soul-crushing daily routine. If you can’t stop the entire rest of the world from giving you the finger on a near-constant basis, I guess you can join them by flicking yourself off, to prove you’re one of them. Hey, look, I agree with you! I hate me too!
It’s good to know that in this age of energy-consciousness and growing awareness of climate change and air pollution, you can still purchase a $300+ gas-powered blender. There’s even a knock-off called The Daquiri Whacker, which, improbably, seems an order of magnitude less safe than the Tailgator.
“The Hidden Messages In Water” is written by Masaru Emoto, a man who insists that water crystallizes differently based on the “energies” that surround it. He claims (fraudulently, of course) that if you mentally project fear or other negative emotions onto a test-tube of water, it will freeze into a grey lump rather than into an elegant crystalline snowflake. His title of “Dr.” comes from a certificate of “Doctor In Alternative Medicine from Open International University,” which is exactly as legitimate as it sounds.
The sequel, “The Shape Of Love”, insists that humans can predict future events by looking at ice crystals under a microscope, divining their shape to find such specific prophecies as “despair” or “hope.” You can tell it’s real because he used a microscope, and they don’t let just anyone have one of those.
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