Did you think this almost-meme went away? Nope. In the year 2014, you can still buy:

1. “Keep Calm And Tan On,” a bronzer lotion.

2. “Keep Calm And Game On,” a metal dog-tag.

3. “Keep Calm: Bugs In Our Food”, an insane self-published book about how our food is full of bacteria.

4. “Keep Calm And Love Pugs”, a pink stethoscope.

5.  My personal favorite, a vest that says “Keep Calm And Take Care Because YOLO.”

The Gotcha Cap is a “self defense hat.” What does the plastic thing inside the hat do? Strangely, the manufacturer never explains it, nor why a shitty baseball cap with a piece of plastic in it should cost $40. Not the best sales tactic, considering you can get a steel credit-card that folds into a knife for $2.

This man’s description of taking revenge on his wife through his programmable thermostat is definitely true, and none of it is made up. Also, it happened in real life, for sure.

No, not the popular John Green novel-turned-movie. The league of rushed-out, unfunny parody books seeking to capitalize on its popularity. Choose from “The Fault In Our Pants”, “The Fault In Our Stairs”, “The Fault Is All Yours”, or “The Fault In Our Stars: A Parody.”

Of course, you could also choose to read none of them. But I’m not sure why you’re here if you don’t want to bathe in the stench of mediocrity.

This duct-tape necktie, according to reviews, is too thick and stiff to actually tie onto your neck as a necktie. Which is probably okay, seeing as you can buy 50 yards of real duct tape for $7.60.

The MakerBot Replicator is a $2,899 3D printer which, according to reviews, generally doesn’t work. The software is buggy, the hardware is poorly made, and the manufacturer doesn’t seem to be able to adequately respond to problems. Of course, this is apart from the general complaint I have about 3D printers for home use, which is that making a plastic figurine shouldn’t cost nearly three thousand bucks.