“Why don’t you ship to Romania?” asks a customer, and a very rude Jackson Pollock responds.

This plastic juice-box brags that it’s a “healthy alternative to artificial juice boxes.” I’m not sure how filling a $12 plastic container with sugar-water is suddenly healthy or not artificial. Many of the customers complained that it broke apart, leaving their kids with sharp plastic shards. And plastic isn’t eco-friendly, compared with the myriad of unbreakable (and still recyclable) 8-oz stainless-steel bottles made for kids.

You can’t put acidic fruit juice into a stainless-steel bottle, but that should help you comply with the American Association of Pediatrics’ suggestion that your child drinks no more than six ounces of fruit juice a day. Yeah, we drank a shitload of juice when we were kids, but we’re all fat now, so it might be a good idea.

“No, I’m good, bye!” is apparently beyond the grasp of the target market for this book. “I’m not interested” also remains unimaginable. But getting in a protracted argument about the details of Joseph Smith’s harem or the belief of JWs that the world actually ended in 1914? That’s up J. D. Comans’ alley, and boy, you just hit that Look Inside link to read how he invites religious people into his home and then tells them their religion is bad.

This 1960s Battleship game is a small reminder that “the good old days” and “the way things used to be” doesn’t necessarily refer to a better time for everyone.

Exo protein bars are made from ground-up crickets. While it’s true that insects have a higher feed conversion than most mammals, in terms of efficiency, and that crickets don’t taste bad (for bugs, at least) these are still garbage. They contain twice as much fat (20g) and carbs (23g) as protein (10g) and have an insane 300 calories each.

This means that actual pan-fried bacon is a less-fatty source of protein than an Exo bar.

Also, the macros for 2 White Castle sliders (280 calories total) are 14g fat, 28g carbohydrates, and 12g protein, meaning you’re better off driving to White Castle and eating two hamburgers than eating this processed bug-mash.

The answer, as I found today, is “to make it look like a knight’s suit of armor.” I’m not sure whether the understated version (above) or the over-the-top version with attached gauntlets and shoulder plates is worse, but they’re both ridiculously expensive. Not to mention that it’s hard to create a fashion option that looks worse than a zippered blob.

In terms of knight-wear, the knitted-wool knight’s helmet that’s also a winter hat is pretty hard to beat, but we finally did it, as a species.

Why does the USB Pet Rock have USB? The only reason I can think of is to convince people to upgrade from the original Pet Rock to something even more useless.