“This could be your dog,” whispers the picture of the dog in dog overalls, majestically leaping through the American wilderness.

For heavier duty, there is, of course, the dog “combat suit.”

If you’re going to pick a Bible verse to print on a flask, you’d probably want to go with one about how it’s good to drink. I feel like it maybe even had a story about a guy making his own wine for everyone to drink at a wedding.

Ah, yes. The time-honored Jedi technique of burning the shit out of the middle of your bread while leaving huge portions of it untoasted. 

The cover of this book doesn’t give you a true picture of the horrors that lay within. Slyly disguised as a guide to ease social interactions, it’s actually a bizarrely awkward and insulting guide for how to approach women. I don’t think the author has ever had a conversation with another human being, as evinced by this excerpt:

You: I recently started training Brazilian jiu-jitsu (or any hobby of yours) and it’s helping me express bottled up emotions.

Her: Wow that sounds so cool.

Really, though, you’d have to hit the “Look Inside” to see the true scope of this book’s robotic word-terror.

I’m usually skeptical of reviewers’ stories, but this one seems like it might be real. Why did this guy’s “nice doughnut” upset his wife? What is the “doughnut fiasco?” These are questions I can’t answer. Maybe you can figure it out.

You might look at this alligator-headed plastic tank and think, “how would a child pee into that without getting it everywhere?” The answer is, according to the reviews, they don’t. Also, it leaks.

“I Want To Be Bacon When I Grow Up” is poorly written and illustrated. In an apparent attempt to outdo the authors, though, over a thousand one-star reviews have been left for it, comparing livestock farming to rape and slavery. This is like politics, because even if you kind of agree with one side, everyone involved is an asshole.