Tyler checked his wrist-mounted barometer. “Low air pressure,” he sighed. “I’d better have some tonic.” He unsnapped the Steampunk Flask from its leather holster and took a swig of Ecto Cooler.

What is the most American egg, you might ask? Obviously, it’s a fried gun egg. Because the only thing that can stop a bad guy with an egg is a patriotic American hero, also with an egg, and the hero will get his egg out first, and save the day.

This is a small wooden stick with a rubber tip and a magnet attached. Guess how much it costs.

This children’s shirt shows tomorrow’s date, 3/14/15, with the phrase “It only happens once in a lifetime.” To a child, the idea of irrational numbers is new and interesting, so the nerd part’s not the problem. (Obviously, if you’re an adult, and you consider yourself special for knowing a basic fact about a circle, you’re maybe not as sharp as you think you are.)

The issue here is an adult buying a shirt for a child that reminds them they won’t live a hundred more years. Unlike pi, life does not go on forever. Unlike pi, you will not be here in 2115. Here’s a shirt, and by the way, did you know you’re going to die in 99 or fewer years? 

From the makers of “World’s Largest Gummy Worm” come the Spicy Gummy Peppers, a set of three oversized sugar-blobs infused with pepper flavoring and capsaicin. Mmmmm.

The “Butter Mill” lets you load it with cold butter, which it then grinds up, so you don’t have to wait for it to get warm before you can spread butter on your food. Congratulations to Cooks Innovations for monetizing the space of “I eat so much butter I need a butter grinder, but I lack the planning to keep the butter on the table instead of in the fridge.”

Finally… No more accidentally drilling through my iPhone with a tiny drill.