“Makes it easy to wash your cat,” lies the description of the cat suction cup, a big suction cup you use to stick your cat to the bottom of the bathtub.

Well, obviously, you want to make sure you know someone before you bind yourself legally to them! But 80 days is longer than enough, if you ask me. Learn their favorite color, favorite foods, and favorite TV shows, and spend the next 79 days planning your wedding.

The theremin is probably the most difficult instrument to play accurately, since your hands float in space, making it hard to acquire “muscle memory” for playing individual notes. Building a theremin inside a plastic doll head would make it completely impossible to use.

That’s fine, in moderation. At least you’re not giving it to a kid.

Oh, for shit’s sake.

There’s a whole line of Tetris-branded “EPIC FAIL” items, like a fleece blanket, and a wallet. I guess there’s a market for Tetris items in the world of 2015. The one that makes least sense to me, personally, is the Epic Fail Belt.

Yeah, it’s dubious whether standing at a desk all day is practical or has any significant benefits over sitting at a desk. But that’s not why this is here. Nope, it’s because the manufacturer uses a picture of a man standing at his DIY desk on a cliff, overlooking a beach sunset, to sell this piece of shit.

It might sound crazy at first, but then you realize that only your own butt knows how hard your butt wants to be pounded in the butt.

You definitely want to hit the “Look Inside” link to read the actual text, by the way.