You know you fucked up in the tablet game when you’ve gotta price them at $49.99. But Amazon has taken a further bizarre step, offering SIX-PACKS of the 7″ Fire tablet for $249. Hey, at least you can enjoy the best-selling game Game Of War – Fire Age, which you may have been predatorily redirected to when viewing this very page on mobile. (Sorry about that, by the way. We’re working on it.)

Can you tell time with the Magical Dipshit Watch? Yeah, I guess, if you want to train yourself to measure the rotation of colored disks instead of just look at your phone when you want to know what time it is. At least the colored disks are cheaper than a regular— oh, wait, no, they’re really expensive for some reason.

It’s not that this wouldn’t work, necessarily. All the miracle of life usually needs is a little of the right fluid in the right place and time. But if you’re going the syringe-and-speculum route, you might want a more sterile environment than someone’s couch.

Of course, artificial insemination is a technique used on farm or show animals, so it’s nice that similar kits brand themselves as Human Artificial Insemination Kits. The worst way to accomplish this medically-necessary task, though, was suggested by someone in the comments: a six-pack of Tenga Eggs and a way to move your material from point A to point B.

The “Alcohol Shot Gun” lets you dump liquor into another person’s mouth, theoretically. Of course, it doesn’t quite work as well as it’s advertised, with one reviewer claiming that half of what you put into it spills out of the end, and another reporting, simply, “This is Satan.”

It’s a vinyl sticker that looks like an electrical outlet. Why. Why?! WHY.

What is this device? Why is it on this website? There’s only one way to find out.

Amazon Prime memberships are $67 instead of $99, today, only. Use it to mail-order Buffalo Chicken Meat Dippers, an Obamacare pill-box, and Gay Birthing, An Mpreg (Male Pregnant) Story.