“Wake The Fuck Up!!!” is the name of this one-pound bag of pre-ground, stale-ass coffee. Does it have more caffeine than regular coffee? I don’t know, but it tastes like a combination of Folgers and topsoil. WTFU is apparently intended as a competitor to Death Wish Coffee, a high-caffeine blend that actually tastes all right, but for my money, I’d rather have two pounds of regular whole-bean coffee from Kicking Horse (or a local roaster.)

“My Two Holes” would be your standard-issue fleshy spectacle. Except for the hands with the long claw-like nails, angrily pulling it apart as if to destroy it. And the picture of the thing with a bunch of jizz on it.

Whip-Its, the small canisters of nitrous oxide meant to be inhaled for a short-lived euphoric high, are now available in pink, to support breast cancer.

(I should probably mention that they’re actually supposed to be used to make whipped cream, but I don’t think anyone has ever actually done this – and besides, who makes enough whipped cream to need 300 canisters of huff-gas?)

If you think tacos, ninjas, zombies, lasers, cheese, kittens, “and sometimes goats” are automatically funny, then this card game is probably right up your alley. I’ll leave it at that.  

You can put a hat on a ferret. Ain’t against the law. Sure.

You can put a leash on a guinea pig. Ain’t no one gonna have fun, but, go for it.

The one thing you can’t do is put a leash on a ferret and take it outside. Soon as you cross that threshold, you just got a damn weasel on a rope.

This toddlers’ shirt is only available in sizes 2T through 4T, but you can always order big and wait for your kid to grow into it. If he’s a weed-smoking Irishchild, that is.

Should your child live a sober non-Irish life, but is instead married to a Mexican man, you can purchase him (or her) this “I (heart) My Mexican Husband” t-shirt for toddlers.