Monthly Archives: February 2016

Hillary Clinton Money

hillary-clinton-money

All across the internet, Hillary supporters insist that fellow democrats use Hillary Bucks, lest they be branded “Bernie Bills.”



Zika Terror: The Books


zika-virus

What is a pandemic without the self-published books claiming to tell you how to “prevent being infected”? Just like Ebola, SARS, and swine-flu, you obviously don’t want to contract Zika, but hucksters continue prey off the news-cycle terror by selling you tiny, useless books that amount to a retelling of a Wikipedia entry with a chaser of “wash your hands.”

Those links go to five different shitty books, by the way.  



Spankrags: Tissues… for men

spankrags-masturbation-tissues

“All your childhood dreams come true,” brags the box of Spankrags. No, I wanted to be a fireman, a pianist, a scientist, a master of my craft, the bonds of mortality slipping away for just a moment every day as I labor elegantly in my chosen field. I didn’t dream of shamefully cranking one onto a pre-printed Porn Napkin.

I can’t decide whether this is better or worse than Dude Wipes, which is awful, for a slightly different reason.



An ethical human skull

human-skull-with-carrying-case

The vendor of “Real Human Skull With Carrying Case” brags that it was ethically sourced. Since they don’t clarify what that means, I’ll leave the philosophical implications of an ethical way to acquire the skull of a once-living person as an exercise for the reader. For the price, though, the damn thing had better been inside someone important at some point.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.