Monthly Archives: February 2016

Pizza Holder


What decisions would you have had to make in life to lead you to purchasing a pizza lanyard? Your infancy, adolescence, coming-of-age, adulthood, all culminating in a triangular pocket worn round your neck like a carb-laden albatross. Pizza not as pleasure, but as a burden. I must wear this slice.

What is NSI-189?


Classified by its users as a “nootropic” (a drug that improves memory or cognition), the as-yet-clinically-untested drug NSI-189 is available for consumption by recreational mind-powder users. The product picture, above, is a guy holding open a bag of white powder, so you know you’re getting some high-quality NSI-189 that was definitely not grey-marketed into the US from a clandestine overseas chemist.

It’s “also bought with” a set of stainless-steel measuring spoons which includes units of “tad”, “dash”, “pinch”, and “smidgen”, so you can take a smidgen of nootropic on the days you already feel smart, and up it to a pinch when you wake up feeling un-thinky.

Kanye West: Reanimator


For the past decade, literary bottom-feeders have sought to answer the question, “What if I took two things unrelated… and combined them… and put my name on it?” Following in the shit-caked footsteps of William Shakespeare’s Star Wars, the book Kanye West: Reanimator combines the two things you’d suppose it would, with the typical result.

Galileo Was Wrong


Geocentrism, the belief that the Earth floats at a fixed point in the universe while the cosmos rotates around it, is still alive in 2016. Based on quotes from the Bible, and backed up with a PhD in religious studies from an unaccredited university, Robert Sungenis presents a “scientific” argument for geocentrism. If you think about it, though, a “Multimedia CD-ROM” is the perfect venue for this argument, being a format that went out of vogue eons ago.

If you want to wade further into this dude’s orbit of lunacy, I suggest reading his breathless third-person description of his own book Geocentrism 101, where he compares it to Reader’s Digest and describes it as “hot off the presses.”

Should you want a second opinion, Jack A. Mooreman presents “The Biblical And Observational Case for Geocentricity,” an equally-scientific book from more or less the same point of view.

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