What does your living room need to achieve peak coziness? A 26″ wide wall-sticker of an elderly woman hitting a prescription inhaler. Obviously.

The manufacturer describes this as “Interest Sharing Anus Bolt,” and I guess they’re right, in the same way that a volcano is a “mountain fountain,” or a compass is a “magnet arrow.”

This stylus with a ballpoint-pen tip is a great way to accidentally turn your iPad into the doodled-up credit-card machine that people accidentally sign with a pen instead of a stylus.

You did it! You called him not his name, and that made him stop trying to be the president! If only this incredibly-effective rhetorical device was around to call you-know-who “Shitler.” That would have also probably worked.

I’d seen these beard-hats online before, and didn’t write them up here because I thought, “well, those are just gifts, no one would actually wear one.” Then I saw someone yesterday walking down High Street wearing one, and realized that some people actually do. Unsurprisingly, people who bought this fucking hat also bought this axe and this sword.

This small, thin glass bottle (around seven inches tall) can be used to create flavored oils or liqueurs. So can any other bottle, glass or otherwise, without costing an extortionate amount. Like this one, which costs ten bucks and is roughly the same volume.

I can’t think of anything wrong with letting a machine with giant rotating blades decide where it wants to go, but this self-propelled lawn mower is exactly that thing. It doesn’t help that it’s styled to look like a dystopian future cop car, either.

There’s a cheaper one available if you don’t want to shell out two grand on the device that will eventually link up with SkyNet and learn to stand upright to murder its victims legs-first.