After decades of making puns out of the same few weed words, the introduction of “dab” to the weed lexicon spurred an explosion in dab-based merchandise. Whatever you think of “Dabate”, “Dab To The Future”, or “Starbuds Dabuccino”, it’s easy to see that any of them beat The Globfather.

It’s back-to-school time, which means you’ll need to buy your child their yearly Alejandro Jodorowsky Kids Backpack.

What you do if you want to make money, I guess, is take two things from last decade and combine them into the Kim Kardashian Human Centipede.

It’s a pig, intended for spit-roasting. The description says it’s “Head Off”, which I guess means they removed the head, but it’s shown with-head in their picture. They also say it ships free, but it costs over fifty bucks to ship as far as I can tell. Probably not a good idea to buy ambiguous meat online, but, hey, it’s your life.

The weirdest thing about it might be that it’s “frequently bought with” a wooden clock that says Dick.

I’ve pixellated this here because it’s pretty seriously gross, but you can buy a phone case for your Samsung or iPhone that bears an image of an infected, bloody ingrown toenail. (Don’t click if you’re eating.)

Surprisingly not by the author of “Crafting With Cat Hair,” this recipe book is stuffed with atrocious recipes that your cat can, technically, eat. Of course, if you’ve ever owned a cat, you know that giving your cat something weird usually ends with the cat batting it across the floor and leaving it to rot.

The author includes a long list of ingredients (read them all at the Look Inside) which you can’t add to your you-and-cat creations, including salt, meaning that you won’t like what you cook either.

The makers of TickleSeat, a vibrating seat pad, claim that it will “enhance any gentlemen’s game to the next level. (sic) There’s a few more paragraphs of grody Pick-Up Artistry on the manufacturer’s listing, if you’re up for a good cringe, and a couple of very probably fake five-star reviews.