The slogan “Click, delivered, done” never really caught on for Cyber Monday, but don’t tell that to this Cyber Monday t-shirt.

I don’t want to spoil the surprise. I’ll just tell you that there are twelve pounds of it. (Warning: it’s pretty gross, so I pixellated the picture in case you’re easily sicked out.)

White Castle, best known for its small, unappetizing burgers, has made a scented candle to allow you to have the odor of White Castle’s onion-tinged grease and sadness permeating your own home. Customers who leave bad reviews generally complain that it smells better than White Castle and is therefore not authentic.

The existence of KushCakes in a country with legalized recreational use of marijuana in 8 states (and medical use in several others) doesn’t make much sense. The active ingredients are valerian root and melatonin (available everywhere, cheaply) and since Kush Cakes contain hemp protein, they’ve got a grainy texture with a weird off-taste meant to approximate the experience of eating a weed brownie.

At least it’s not Meowijuana.

Most dog owners know that dogs will eat anything, including an array of non-food household goods, and other animals’ poop. For those who own a dog and yet know nothing of the dog’s taste, there is Bowser Beer, a bizarrely expensive six-pack of bottles of mostly beef broth.

And for those who haven’t figured out that human-oriented peanut butter is a dog’s favorite food, there is Dogsbutter, a special peanut butter made for dogs which is more expensive and, I’m guessing (because I’m not going to buy it and taste it) probably worse than the regular king.

Thankfully, one reviewer of the dog beer notes, “I tried to give this to 3 different dogs and none of them would eat it… and one of them eats concrete.”

It’s gift time, which means it’s time for millions of people to guess with their wallets. Enter ManBuckets, a pre-bucketed, overpriced gift of beef. Or a bizarre combination of rags, super glue, a single Gatorade, a sponge, and buffalo popcorn. Or an almost-as-bizarre combination of goldfish crackers, a hat, and a bar of soap. It’s the result of a last-minute convenience-store shopping trip, at twice the price.

A better option would be the 15-pack of kangaroo/ostrich/elk (and other weird) meats for $24, if you’re committed to a meat-based present.

I’m not going to include a picture with this one. It’s “not safe for work.” But I do want you to think about how surprising a football could be, and what would make a football not safe for viewing at work, and then dive in and see if what you imagined is right.