Not only does this use the Dash button (more here), but it’s a box of candy where you don’t get to pick what candy is inside. For eighteen dollars.

The GoPet is a ludicrously expensive exercise-wheel for toy dogs.

There’s a huge and more expensive one for large dogs, too, but as one customer said, “They lied when they said all dogs love it.”

Made out of a yellow sphere of crying-while-laughing, the Magic Emoji 8-Ball serves up a variety of emoji-based predictions when you turn it over. (The full set is shown on the manufacturer’s listing.) It’s frequently bought with Uno Emoji, because humanity is locked in a cabin on a sinking ship, nowhere to go, running out of ideas as the water rises around us.

No, you don’t need therapy because you’re a dog. And your other shirt is better, anyway.

Hi, gloves!

How are you doing?

Great! Me too. It’s– What the hell are you doing?

No! Don’t!!!

Noooo!!!

If you’re in the market for teeth (and who isn’t?) then I present to you Dr. Bailey’s Secure Instant Smile, Imako Cosmetic Upper Teeth, and the buy-one, get-one Perfect Smile Veneers.

Or, if you’re on a budget, how about a tooth-shaped container of plastic teeth?

Apparently designed as a successor to the not-incredibly-great Perfect Polly, Chatty Patty repeats what people say, through a small, tinny speaker. It also whistles and laughs when it’s not doing that. The customer reviews are about what you’d expect, on par with its competitor’s product Pete The Repeat Parrot. And it seems to be identical to Chatty Blue Jays, a re-skin of what’s probably the same electronics inside Chatty Patty, but inside of two blue jays, one of which is unexplainably red. I guess if you’re buying plastic birds to talk to you, biological accuracy isn’t at the bottom of your hierarchy of needs.